


Babes in Simland

by Ursula



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-11-15
Updated: 2000-11-15
Packaged: 2018-11-20 20:46:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11342901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ursula/pseuds/Ursula
Summary: Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived atThe Basement, which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address onThe Basement's collection profile.





	Babes in Simland

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

 

Babes in Simland by Fan4Richie

Title: Babes in Simland  
Author/pseudonym: Fan4Richie  
Fandom: X-Files  
Pairing: Alex Krycek/Fox Mulder  
Rating: NC-17  
Status: New  
Archive: If you want it, take it.  
E-mail address for feedback: or   
Series/Sequel: Is this story part of a series: No! But Honesty is borrowed from Vera's other story: Flanboiant Fairies.  
Other websites: My page at RatB, thanks to Ned & Leny: http://www.squidge.org/terma/ursula/ursula.htm  
Disclaimers: I do not own Mulder and Krycek or the X Files, but since this is a parody, my dog hair covered possessions might be safe for now. I do not own the Sims, but if a TV sitcom can talk about them in a work of fiction, maybe I can too.  
Notes: Happy Birthday to Vera, Happy Birthday to You!   
The Sims and Living Large are a computer simulation game. I now have Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Krycek Sim skins which all look delightfully like them. The Sims are of course slashed (except that one time Krycek and Scully snuck into the love bed on their own and promptly had a baby.)  
The Sims and Living Large are trade marked to E.A.. The Sims game and the patch Living Large are games in which you select an individual or a family and direct them to get a job, fall in love, make a family, have fun, and in general simulate life. The Sims has always allowed for same sex relationships.   
Warnings: A Silly story  
Time Frame: Never Never Land  
Extra Thank-You to Sarah, AKA Brazen Hussy, who made the beautiful Krycek heads which inspired this story.

* * *

Babes In Simland

Honesty, @Brazilian Slash. Com

Hope you received the Mulder and Krycek Sims okay. Did Living Large or what ever they're calling it in Brazil install all right? Just remember, keep them away from the telescope. So far aliens have abducted them both five times in my game!

Love, Ursula

____________

Mulder slunk furtively into the darkened building. It was no more than a run-down shack, supposedly the headquarters of a dying mine. Ha, Mulder knew better. And not just because the tourist bureau listed the Conspiracy as their fifth largest employer either, although that made the trail just a little easier to follow. 

Mulder looked down the dark echoing hole. Here was more proof. The shaft...the evil old men were always giving it to him. He summoned the creaking lift, feeling a little sick as it lurched its way through the darkness. Thump. It landed on the floor of the mine. Mulder looked at the bank of elevators and chose one. 

That was also simple enough. Floors one through five were labeled: Smoke Shop, Manicures, Hot Oil treatments, Smoking rooms, and Souvenirs. So it had to be six, an ominous white button with no label. Mulder found that the button was already pushed. He tried not to consider what that meant. 

As he struggled with the door that kept snapping at his hand like a badly fed crocodile, Mulder was aware of a sensual, familiar, loathed, sexy, smoky, hot leather, hot skin scent. Krycek, fucking Krycek....and why did that bring entirely the wrong thoughts to his head?

"Krycek!" Mulder shouted, "You scum sucking, two-faced rat bastard! What are you doing here? How did you get down here anyway?"

Krycek chuckled, a sound that made Mulder think about how good that deep rippling laughter would feel if those kewpie doll lips were wrapped around his cock. Krycek replied, "Mulder, I was in the elevator right next to you!"

Mulder gasped and asked, "How did you know that?"

Krycek looked shyly down at the floor and then slowly looked up through the adornment of jet-black lashes. "I looked." He admitted.

Outraged, Mulder leapt at Krycek's throat, "You bastard! No one looks in an elevator. You stare at the ceiling! Even a rat bastard should know that."

Mulder impetuous charge sent them both cracking through a metal door, labeled, "Danger, Danger!" (This means you Mulder and Will Robinson too!)

Mulder landed on Krycek whose breath parted company from his lungs with a huge whoosh. The bastard didn't take long to recover, although he did manage to get in some interesting hip lunges and writhing beyond the call of duty. He kicked like a kangaroo on steroids, (Incidentally, a shaved version of that very animal managed to compete in the broad jump events at the Olympics until picketing lemurs protesting species discrimination outed him.)

Mulder lunged after Krycek and both of them crashed into a large array of blinking lights, monitors, whirligigs and Rube Goldberg devices. Alex had just enough time to grind out, "Muhhlllder, shiiiiiih!" before a large flash sent them spinning down, down, down into a rabbit hole like darkness. Oh, my!

_____

Honesty cheerily sang to one of her many cats as she sat in front of her monitor. She happily opened her two e-mail attachments and dropped them into the Maxi-Sims-Game Data Skins folder. She unzipped them and eagerly started her game. Now this really made the expense worthwhile. She laughed as she noticed that Ursula had included Skinner and Scully. She didn't even bother to open their files. Walter just wasn't her type. No, Mulder and Krycek were the only pair for her.

What was that? A flash of blue light ignited on her screen. She jumped back with a pretty scream and waited for worse. Hmm, nothing and the game continued to load. Cautiously, she sat back down; noticing her cat still crouched with a raised back and a spitting expression on the couch. Well, she had startled it and they were slow to forgive. Later, she would do some laundry and let the cat sleep in the basket of clean, warm clothes.

Now, her instructions were to select the Sims skins from the Create A Family screen and to place them on lot two. The huge, comfortable house could then be downloaded for free so the little Sims could enjoy life from the start. The tiny perfect copies of Mulder and Krycek enchanted Honesty. She looked closely and saw that every tiny feature was there. The Krycek clone even had lovely long eyelashes. She chose a nice suit for Mulder and, of course, a leather jacket, black sweater, and tight blue jeans for Krycek. There...

  
Honesty knew that the personality had to be selected carefully for each Sim. Her choices were neat, outgoing, active, playful, and nice. She chose a high outgoing social score for both, more active points for Mulder and no neat points for the FBI agent since everyone thought that he was a slob anyway. Krycek had one more nice and social point than Mulder. Both of them had exactly the same number of playful points. She looked to see if they were compatible and saw that they should be irresistible to each other.

Now what was wrong? The two Sims should have been doing the usual thing, bouncing on their heels waiting to enter the house. Instead, they appeared out of the sky and fell on their little graphic behinds. Honesty was getting a little worried. Maybe it was an X file?

Nevertheless, Honesty took the supernatural in stride. After all, as only a few people knew, she had once been an ocean sprite until she fell in love and married. Marriage, as anyone who knew sprites could tell you, scaled all the fishy wonders from a girl and made her into a human woman. Honesty took it in good stride. After all she had a wonderful husband and a lovely daughter. And a sprite did get a little tired of raw fish as a diet. What with e-mail and RatB, it was nearly as effective as whale song for communication so she didn't regret her choice too much.

Honesty downloaded the house. It was perfect...a bit gloomy for Mulder with a ghost or two just for him. A hot tub for Alex who might share Cory Raines' taste for them. She put a Servo, which was a jolly helpful robot, on each floor and even installed an elevator so they wouldn't get tired running up and down the stairs. The maid and the gardener were already hired so the only thing left was to warm up the Sims to each other. Ursula said her set fell in love immediately and even danced with joy after making love in the vibrating bed.

Honesty saw the blue outline first and a moment later the house appeared, complete with Olympic sized swimming pool and gardens. It was very pretty with a white balcony all around the front, Monticello doors by the pool, and the expensive stone castle wall all the way around it.

What was this? Instead of walking into the house or stupidly moving to see some landscaping detail, both Sims looked terrified. The Krycek Sim tried to jump into the Mulder's arms while that skin gave a girlish scream of fright. Next the Mulder Sim rudely pushed the Krycek away and said something nasty. Of course, they were speaking Simmish so Honesty could only tell by the irate icons that appeared in the thought bubble. The Mulder skin then tried to throw a punch at Krycek.

Honesty had just about enough. No more free will. She pointed her mouse and clicked, 'Talk, joke, give gift, dance" to make the Krycek Sim court the Mulder. Immediately, the Krycek Sim started to discuss alien abductions. Naturally the Mulder Sim was interested although he still bounced on his heels and seemed impatient. The joke didn't even start to raise the relationship scores. In fact, Honesty noticed that the score was already in the red fifty points when she checked to see how Mulder felt about Krycek. On the other hand, Krycek had a green score of one hundred and a sad little heart under Mulder's picture. Poor little Sim, the victim of unrequited love...

_____

Mulder landed on his delicate posterior on what appeared to be a well cared for lawn. Krycek tumbled down right beside him, squeaking in a cute ratty way with fear. They had both barely risen to their feet when a strange blinding blue light flashed in front of them. Mulder felt rather than saw Krycek leap into his arms. Hmm, this was nice. Krycek smelled clean and sweet with just a touch of something very male that made Mulder's cock stand up and take notice. Involuntarily, Mulder patted his terrified enemy. Not on the back. On his round enticing ass. Little Foxy wiggled like a puppy and wanted out to play.

Mulder leapt back before giving in. What on earth was he thinking? This was Alex Krycek, scum sucking bastard, Consortium errand boy, and purveyor of misinformation. Mulder pushed Alex away and raised a fist to slug the man. But some implacable power held back his blow.

Krycek said, "I'm talking planned invasion, the colonization of this planet by an Extraterrestrial race."

Hmm, that was familiar. Mulder, however, didn't mind reruns so he listened, inexplicably warming to Krycek word by word. Krycek blinked at him when he finished and opened his mouth to say something more, but instead, he twitched. He grinned idiotically and asked, "Do you know what you get when you cross an Oilien and a politician?" Not giving Mulder time to answer, Krycek blurted out, "A politician that greases his own palm." Krycek slumped his shoulders and looked around apprehensively. He said, "Mulder, something's very, very wrong."

Mulder remarked, "Yeah? Besides a house appearing before our eyes? Come on. We need to investigate, but if we find ruby slippers sticking out from under the foundation, I get them."

Alex nodded, but another smile forced its way across his face. He whipped out a nicely wrapped gift and presented it fawningly to Mulder.

Now what was the asshole trying to do? Mulder threw it down and stomped on it. The wrapping crushed beautifully, but nothing was inside but air. Oddly, however, he heard a breaking sound.

Alex said, "No, I won't! He'll kill me! Shiiiii..."

Mulder heard Alex's voice ask, "Shall we dance?"

  
Before he could laugh, gag, or punch, his arms went up and his hands met Alex's. Waltz music played out of nowhere and they moved in graceful little steps. As long as he had to dance with the scumbag, he might as well have some fun. Mulder put his hand on Alex's ass and rubbed in slow circles as their bodies echoed this motion on the lawn. Mulder found himself looking at Alex tenderly. He wasn't so bad, was he? Pretty. And wasn't it nice that he had two arms again?

The music stopped and Krycek's eyes grew very big. He tore off his very nice black leather jacket and groped at the sleeve of the black sweater beneath. He revealed a shapely arm, sparsely dusted with dark hair, ending in a graceful hand. "Oh my God! I have two arms." Alex caught Mulder in a hug and said, "Mulder, look, I have two arms. It's a miracle."

Feeling warm and oddly protective, Mulder said, "I see that. Alex, settle down. Think. This is probably just a dream. We'll wake up and find ourselves back in that lab."

"Do you really think so?" Alex asked, big green eyes softly gazing at Mulder.

"I'm afraid so. Alex...something is compelling me to go inside." Mulder added.

"Me too." Alex said.

Once inside they found a hallway with a staircase on each side and a door marked like an elevator on the left. A table stood near the door and a telephone near that. Classic paintings lined the halls, but mixed with them were portraits strongly resembling Mulder, Alex, and even Skinner. Mulder grabbed Alex as he spotted one and said, "What the hell is that?"

Alex cooed, "I like it. It's sweet."

Mulder said, "I never kissed you like that."

Krycek said, "You should have."

Mulder glared, but he was too curious to stick to the argument. He yelled, "Is anyone here?"

No one answered. Mulder saw a Grandfather clock, which told him that it was eight in the morning. On the wall, a moose's head with drooping antlers winked at him. Mulder gibbered, "This isn't happening."

Alex said, "Wow, check out the kitchen. There's a robot."

Mulder wouldn't be outdone for quick recoveries and curiosity. He pushed Alex aside and pressed a few buttons. The cylinder released a humanoid robot, which put on a chef's hat and produced a plate of food from its body. Alex said, "I think I'll grab a plate. Look it's prime rib. A little odd for breakfast, but it smells so good."

Mulder shrugged and intended to go on searching, but he was suddenly famished. He found himself seated at a banquet table chatting with Alex as if they were the dearest of friends. After the meal, the robot took away the dishes. Mulder heard a door slam and rushed toward the sound. A perky, pretty woman dressed in a movie perfect French maid outfit had arrived. Without a word, she began to walk about and clean. Mulder said, "Excuse me. Whose house is this?"

The maid ignored him and continued to clean. Krycek walked over and waved his hand in front of her eyes. She looked irate, but said nothing. Alex remarked, "There's a gardener too, a hunky guy in the tightest coverall you'd ever want to see, but he didn't even seem to know I was there. Hell, I even pinched his buns."

Mulder growled, "You would."

Alex grimaced and said, "Excuse me. I have to go to the can."

Mulder did too. The need was so urgent that he followed Alex into a room with a white door. It was certainly a bathroom, furnished with two toilets. Oh well, not as if they hadn't been forced to share a facility before. But Alex was suddenly quite modest and vehemently gestured for him to leave.

Mulder followed his compulsion to a smaller bathroom and took care of his needs. As soon as he left the room, the robot entered and energetically begin to clean. Mulder wondered what one of those would cost? He wasn't aware that the technology was out there to program such a self-programming machine. Still, it would be very handy.

A through examination of the house revealed nothing except a very uneven taste in furnishings. Some of the furniture was beautiful and there was a great deal of art on the wall as well as statues in odd corners. However, some of the objects in the house were garish and ridiculous. Mulder found Alex studying a bed with a heart shaped headboard, pink and purple satin covers, and a coin box to operated a vibrator. Alex was just about to put a coin into the change box when Mulder found him. 

"Come on." Mulder ordered, dragging Krycek behind him. His handcuffs had disappeared in the magical transference here...otherwise; Krycek would be in them already. 

"But I'm tired." Krycek complained. "Totally worn out."

Mulder said, "Well, we should stay together. We might not get back without each other. I saw that on..."

"Star Trek." Krycek said, "But that doesn't make it true. Yeah, I watch those old reruns too. Spock's hot and as for that little ensign, Chekov, I bet he would just squeal every time you took him in that cute little round behind."

Mulder slapped the side of Krycek's head and said, "Knock that off. What's with you? You're usually not so preoccupied with sex."

Krycek grumbled, "That's what you think..."

___

Ursula,

What is going on with those Sims? I just tried to get Krycek to go to the vibrating bed and just as he was about to get in, Mulder dragged him off to the outside. Their relationship scores are a mess. Krycek's are way up for Mulder, but I can't get Mulder's above fifty. And he keeps slapping Krycek!

Love, Honesty.

___

Honesty, @Brazilian Slash. Com

>"Krycek's are way up for Mulder, but I can't get Mulder's above fifty. And he keeps slapping Krycek!"<

Honesty, I can't figure it out. Mine didn't do that. Actually, it sounds pretty cool. More like some of our fan fiction. Just stick with it. I'm sure they'll melt those sheets when they finally have a go.

Love, Ursula.

_____

Honesty read the response and shrugged. She was a determined woman. After all, had she not persuaded Ursula to write her an M/K story and leave her precious Walter to sulk? Honesty turned the game back on.

Now what? Mulder and Krycek were standing on the edge of the sidewalk which led off into a scary gray void. Krycek was holding back, but Mulder's face was set in a grim line and he seemed to be forcing himself forward into the void. Desperate to stop the Mulder Sim, Honesty clicked every possible action from kiss Krycek to go to sleep. He still tried to march off into space until the little Krycek Sim shrieked and dragged him back. A flurry of a fight, complete with flailing legs and arms resulted.

When the dust cleared, the Mulder Sim was on top of Krycek and looking both murderous and turned on. Honesty clicked "Kiss" a dozen times. Finally the Mulder Sim got to his feet and obeyed, but promptly slapped the Krycek skin until the poor little simulation wept bitterly.

Honesty said, "I wonder if I should try to make a different Mulder although this one does seem to have an interesting personality. She was going to the create-a-family screen when the Goths showed up. That made Honesty cross because she had really intended to delete them. She had decided that the Mulder-Krycek family should have time alone to work out their problems. Honesty's eyes narrowed as she had a frankly evil thought. Well, maybe, she could use the Goths.

An evil glint in her eyes, Honesty immediately set Krycek to talking to flirtatious Bella Goth. Bella wore her hair in a mass of upswept curls. She was tightly clad in a sparkling cocktail dress and wore three-inch heels. Bella had a pretty, petulant face and her outgoing far exceeded her nice. Her husband, Jonathan, was quite nice and outgoing although not playful. He was a slim man who wore a neat goatee and mustache. He had warm brown eyes with laugh wrinkles. His face was long and fine boned with a generous mouth, really handsome in a fifties- movie kind of way. 

Jonathan kept Mulder occupied although Mulder still seemed very upset. Meanwhile, Krycek invited Bella into the house and headed for the kitchen. By the time, Jonathan and Mulder entered, the two had disappeared into the hot tub.

Honesty laughed. "It's for your own good." She lectured the Mulder Sim as she compelled him to go to the hot tub. 

Bella and Alex were just getting out. They were of course nude, thanks to a little extra program that Ursula had zipped over. Bella seemed to like what she saw and no wonder. Honesty had never seen such a detailed and beautiful male Sim. His body was a little small on the screen, but a magnifying glass allowed her to examine every detail. How interesting, the tiny Sim has a scar on his left arm. It must have been a personalized nude skin for the character. Honesty moved the glass lower and saw that Alex's adorable little cock was standing up and saying hello to Bella. She, being so outgoing, grabbed Alex and kissed him. A picture of the vibrating bed flashed above their heads.

Mulder saw this and an image of slapping Bella appeared in the thought bubble above his head. No sooner seen than done. He slapped Bella and dragged the naked Krycek Sim away from her. 

Miffed, Bella strutted away. Jonathan wandered by and the pair decided to go home, an image of crossed out fun objects in the joined thought balloon over their heads.

_____

Mulder slapped his own forehead in frustration since Krycek had moved out of hitting range. The man in the beard and mustache was friendly and chatty, but exceedingly uninformative.

Mulder pointed at the house and asked, "Have you seen that house before?"

"Of course not! Why do you think we strolled by? We only initiate visits to newcomers. After that we have to be invited or invite you. What do you do for a living? I'm on the paranormal track." Jonathan said.

Mulder shrugged and flipped open his FBI ID. Only it also said he was a paranormal investigator. Jonathan looked pleased and said, "Why only the other day, the aliens abducted my two children. I was about to investigate when they were returned. Of course, I was a little distracted. Bella had a little accident at the chemistry table and turned herself into a zombie. She broke half of our objects and kicked all my gnomes to pieces. My, I'm hungry and I smell food. Your beautiful companion seems to have cooked. Why don't we go in and eat?"

Leaving Jonathan to another plate of prime rib and fixings, Mulder went to look for Krycek. Bella Goth should be warned, he decided, about the kind of evil man with whom she was consorting. Mulder saw them getting out of the hot tub nude. Steam rose from Alex's sleek body and he seemed quite relaxed except for one part which pointed erectly toward Bella who was just as nude as he.

Before Mulder could say a word, Bella grabbed Alex and kissed him. Stars, hearts, and smoke rose from the hot, passionate smooch. Mulder's eyes narrowed as he followed her hands down to where they kneaded Alex's fine firm peach of an ass. "Mine!" he thought, his thought balloon bursting into flames. He grabbed Alex and thrust him possessively behind him. His hand lashed out and slapped the woman before he could stop himself. The last time he had felt this jealous was when his best childhood friend was given a signed, "Real", Star Trek phaser.

Mulder whipped Alex around and looked deeply into his startled green eyes. "You do not kiss anyone but me." He ordered. Those lips, that mouth, yielded to him, melting like honey beneath his frenzied kisses. Alex writhed against him, rubbing his naked body frantically over Mulder's expensive suit. Mulder's hands took a double grip of Alex's ass cheeks and massaged the velvety soft skin. "The bed," he gasped.

Since Alex's clothing had not reappeared, Mulder had to produce the coin to run the bed. He was not sure how he knew that it wouldn't work otherwise, but the knowledge was there. His clothing dissolved without him touching it and he jumped beneath the covers, patting the bed for Alex to join him.

The two of them fell upon each other as if this was their long delayed salvation, as if every moment of their lives was a lead in to this. Mulder kissed Alex's mouth, his trembling eyelids, and his long column of a neck. He found his head and Alex's disappearing under the covers where they nibbled on each other's nipples, sucked on belly buttons, before finding the heated irons that demanded attention. Their graphically excited bits swelled and throbbed until both of them hissed and screamed, "Yessss" as they came.

It was very strange to feel compelled to hop out of bed, each danced a little victory shuffle, and then they rushed to shower, but that's what they did. Their clothing reappeared as soon as they stepped out of the cubicles. Alex said, "I don't know about you, but I want more."

Mulder looked at Alex, really looked at him. He seemed outlined with pink glowing hearts. His every move was pleasing. Why hadn't Mulder seen it before? Perhaps this was paradise and they had died. If so, this was the perfect afterlife. Mulder said, "Alex, I love you. Why couldn't I see it before? I think I always have. We have to find a way to stay together if we get home again."

Alex said, "I love you too, Mulder, but I've always known that. And I don't know if I want to go home. Here, well, I can't explain it, but if Spender or any of the bad guys appeared, somehow I know that there's some creature above us that would just dump them in the swimming pool to drown."

Mulder said, "But Scully, Skinner, our mission..."

Alex smiled, a beatific glowing smile that made him look demented. "What can be more important than true love? Mulder, let's go back to bed."

Alex's clothing dissolved as soon as he put a quarter in the coin box. Mulder thought, 'Oh what the hell!' and leapt in right after his newfound lover. A soft moan emerged from Alex's chest when they kissed. One thing led to another and without so much as a condom or lube, Mulder found himself moving in and out of Alex's heated insides. Oddly Mulder found that it was perfectly easy to penetrate Alex without so much as a drop of spit and his pale golden haunches were surely the gates of paradise. And by the sighs and the moans, the rough voiced growl of Alex's pleading voice, it was just as good for him.

  
This time they were too tired to get out of bed. They fell asleep sticky and satiated, but utterly happy in each other's arms. Mulder had Alex's head cradled in his arms and stroked his lover's short soft hair until he was too drowsy to move.

____

Honesty beamed and saved the game. Despite the bad start, this had gone very well. She would like to play longer, but there was supper to make, cats to feed, and e-mail to check. Perhaps, she would even start on a sequel to her fairy story.

___

Mulder woke up first. He was warm, sticky, stinky, and very, very content. Alex groaned and tried to snuggle in closer when he moved, but Mulder said, "Wake up, sleeping beauty. It's a new day."

Alex grumbled, but got out of bed. They stumbled into the big bathroom adjoining their bedroom and each hopped into a shower. Mulder sang a few off keynotes, noticing that the hot water never ran out in this cockeyed world. There were fresh toothbrushes in the medicine cabinets above the skins and both of them brushed their teeth. Clothes had magically appeared; they were the same as yesterdays, but at least smelled clean.

Alex cheerfully said, "You can look around some more. I'll cook breakfast." Mulder nodded. He had noticed a computer at a desk in a little office-library type of room. He sat in the chair and started the computer. Interesting enough the operating systems was called "Portholes", but it was enough like windows for him to start the computer and explore its programs. There were games, but no net access. A popup screen kept asking if he wanted a job. Frustrated he turned it off. He was hungry and could smell welcoming breakfast odor from the kitchen.

This time chatting with Alex over a meal seemed normal. He noticed that the wall lights were self-igniting candles. Alex looked beautiful in the flickering light. Mulder had never seen his enemy so relaxed and happy. He looked as young as he had when Mulder first met him, but even then he had been constantly tense.

This time they had no problem using the same bathroom. 

The maid showed up and the gardener, both still as oblivious as the day before. The house yielded no further clues. It was just a big comfortable house equipped with a pool table, pinball machine, electric train, big screen TV's, bar, and a swimming pool. After watching 'Casablanca" on the mystery channel, Mulder said, "Come on, Alex, let's go for a swim. Might as well enjoy this if we can't get out."

No Speedo for either of them. Their clothes dissolved once they each stood on a diving board. They took that in stride. After a few dives and two lengths of the pool, Mulder was exhausted. "Let's take a nap and then make love for the rest of the day." He said to Alex.

Alex yawned and said, "Sure. Funny how time flies here and how sleepy you get. I've never slept so much in my life."

Mulder said, "Me either, but I suppose it doesn't matter. I checked our bank account and we have ninety-nine thousand dollars in it."

Alex said, "Well, we may eventually run out of money. I noticed that every meal costs twenty dollars and, of course, we need money to run the bed."

Mulder almost drooled at that thought. He said, "Lots of coins, a Fort Knox of them. Come here, beautiful"

______

After a nap and three rounds in the love bed, Mulder and Alex again bathed and ate. Mulder decided to see if the library held any information about this place while Alex agreed to tackle the computer and see if he could get net access.

Mulder found that the books were hardly useful. They were mostly classics although seen through a fun house mirror. "Oliver Twisted" was about a young orphan who achieves fame and fortune through inventing a dance craze. "A Tale of Two Civets" was the story of wild cats caught in a jungle revolution. Mulder gave up and decided to see how Alex was doing.

Alex emerged from the computer and looked around for a final screw. Naturally, Mulder gave him one. 

Some time later, Alex announced, "Well, I had to open it up and wake up some sprites, make a floppy disc into a hard drive by sending it some hot phone sex, but I've done it. You can e-mail Scully. I can't guarantee how long this jury rig will last, but give it a try."

Fingers shaking with emotion, Mulder wrote,

Scully300@FBIWaDC

Scully, I might only be able to send this one message. I want you to know that I am alive and happy. I am in love with Alex Krycek and we are together in the best place that you can imagine. I'll miss you and Skinner, but believe me. I am finally happy. Don't make me into your Samantha. Go on with your life and think good thoughts.

             Love Mulder

"Think that she will believe that?" Alex asked. "I wouldn't just let you go that easily."

Mulder grinned and said, "You wouldn't?"

"Hell, no, that summer that you played dead? I looked for you everywhere, every day. I just knew that I would know it if you were really dead. And see, I was right."

Mulder tugged Alex over to the couch for some necking. And maybe another trip upstairs to the love bed. Even if none of the bedding fit it except the purple and pink satin horrors. Mulder nibbled on Alex's ear, moved down to the corner of his jaw and then tilting up the delicate jaw to suck on Alex's soft throat.

"Blood sucker" Alex accused.

"I have better things to suck than that." Mulder argued, heading lower.

"Upstairs!" gasped Krycek. "I have a roll of quarters."

______

Scully clutched her head in weary hands. Her South American trip had yielded clues. Indeed, she had found Mulder's clothing, his FBI badge, his gun, his phone, and a half eaten bag of sunflower seeds. She also found a leather jacket with eight separate ID cards, a black sweater, and an artificial arm. The pictures all showed Alex Krycek. If that were not enough to show Mulder was in enemy hands, some clown had put a large sign, which said, "Clue" on a smashed heap of equipment.

That was as far as she could trace her partner. It was as if he had fallen down a hole. Scully switched on her computer and hit the net. Perhaps the Lone Gunmen had traced down some rumor, some odd happening that would allow her to find her soul mate, her oblivious foxy Mulder.

Scully exclaimed, "Damn, look at all the e-mail!"

Delete...real estate deal. Delete...Get Rich Quick...Save...foxy naked men. Forward: Cookie recipe for her mother.

What was this? E-mail sent from Brazil? Honesty @Brazilian Slash. Com had sent her a message. Scully opened it and found that the message claimed to be from Mulder. Shocked she read it twice and then phoned Walter Skinner.

A few hours later, they were in route to an airport. Skinner had masterfully ordered a trace on the e-mail address, purchased them tickets, and drawn travel checks for them. 

Scully knew that somehow Krycek was behind this. She looked at the comfortingly solid figure of her chief and said, "Krycek and Mulder...as if I would believe that!"

Skinner seemed very distressed. He rubbed his baldpate and grumbled, "But I wanted to play too!"

Scully looked at him with concerned amazement and asked, "What did you say, Sir?"

Skinner blushed, but firmly answered, "I said Krycek would pay too."

Well, that wasn't what Scully had heard! However, Skinner was the one with the big agency credit card so she just nodded and said, "You're right."

____

Honesty had just seen her husband off to work. Her daughter would drop by later so now was the time to kick back and see what her Sims were doing. 

The game loaded and she eagerly clicked the correct house. Oh, how sweet, they were kissing. She just let the Sims move about on their own. To her happy surprise, they went to the love bed and stayed there for much longer than her other Sims had ever done. The relationship scores for each of them were at a hundred. All of their mood scores were green. Honesty's only gripe was that she couldn't make Mulder and Alex that happy on the TV show!

A crack of thunder outside made her and every one of her cats jump. The storm was brewing. Winds whipped the Flanboiant trees and the purple martins were squawking and heading for cover. Honesty was surprised. It was odd weather for this time of year. Shivering, she decided to turn the computer off in case lightening struck near by. 

Honesty was half way across the room when someone pounded on the door. A little nervously, she opened it. Oh my God, it was Skinner. She knew him instantly although close up she noticed that he was even more muscle bound than he appeared on screen. Next to him, drenched from the rain, was an irate, fire eyed Scully.

Both of the X-Files characters shoved her aside. Scully shouted, "Krycek, you rat bastard, stop hiding. I know that you're here."

Honesty was a woman of quick wits and courage. Even if they were FBI agents, they had no right to be searching her home. Not without one of those things...a search warren? No, that wasn't right. That would be a lookout for rabbits. Right, search warrant. She put her hands on her hips and tried to look Scully in the eyes. Too short. All right, Skinner, she glared at him although her gaze was only mid-chest to him.

Honesty said, "You don't have a search warrant."

Skinner said, "This is Brazil, Ma'am, it wouldn't be any good anyway. You look like a kind woman. Not someone who would stand by and let a good agent be hurt. We received e-mail from your ISP that we traced to here. It was from an FBI agent called Fox Mulder. We have reason to believe he and a wanted criminal, Alex Krycek, were on your premises."

Honesty felt a very hot flash zap from her toes to her green-toned brown hair. A little hint of a clean ocean breeze wafted from her formerly sprightly skin. She said, "You can bet that if Alex Krycek was here, I would know it. The same with Fox Mulder. Go ahead and search."

Scully stepped on her cat's tail twice. Honesty rather thought it was on purpose. They looked under the beds, in the closets, and even in her dryer. It was all very silly. The agent and director were becoming increasingly upset.

Scully said, "I want to examine your computer." With not so much as a "By your leave", Scully sat down and opened her net connection. The irate woman slapped a disc into one of the drives and Honesty's personal connection to the net opened as easily as a hot knife slid through butter. Scully spat "Look at this, sir. She has tons of e-mail from Ursula. You know she's part of the conspiracy."

Honesty was shocked. She said, "I can't believe that! Ursula works for Spender? She said she was a social worker in real life."

Scully said, "Not that conspiracy! An even more terrible conspiracy. The one that says Mulder will never love me and wear flannel pajamas while he sings to our eight children that we end up having because I don't believe in birth control because of my religion. The conspiracy that says Mulder loves the Rat Bastard, or sometimes even Skinner and Mulder. Ursula is a devil and her grammar is lousy too!"

Skinner had a glazed look in his eyes. His hand stroked his nipples through his suit. "I rather like her myself."

Scully rolled her eyes so hard that they were momentarily stuck in the back of her head. Honesty was really trying to help when she slapped Scully to make them come forward. Really...even if it did mess up Scully's hair and make her bite her lip. The slap also made Scully's hand click the Sims Living Large icon. The game slowly opened as Scully angrily redid her make up. 

When Scully looked at the screen next, she asked, "What is this?"

Naturally, being a very intrusive little person, she clicked the bigger house on the screen. Honesty nervously looked; Mulder and Krycek were still at it in bed. Well, Scully wouldn't know, would she? It appeared on the screen as a rapidly moving lump under bedding.

Scully's inquisitive mind was on alert. She said, "Why are you so nervous?" and covered the mouse as Honesty tried to click the scene closed.

Honesty could just melt into an oceanic puddle on the floor. Mulder and Krycek chose that moment to hop out of bed, dance happily, and start kissing all over again.

Scully peered at the screen amazed. She said, "They look so real except my Mulder would never kiss Krycek like that."

Skinner looked and agreed, "You're right. He must be tired. That was a short kiss. In the stories I've read, you really have to wonder if the man has gills. He really doesn't take time to breathe."

Scully stared at the assistant director in shock until he looked away, decided that his glasses were dirty, and polished his wire rims.

Any further speculation ended as a lightening bolt hit the house. Everything went dark for a moment and then an eerie blue light poured from the computer. Honesty groaned. She couldn't afford to buy a new computer. 

But what was this? Two figures passionately kissing appeared. The house lights came on and the computer screen went back to normal. Honesty's toes curled. Mulder. Krycek. Naked. Kissing. Mulder's hands kneading Alex's ass. Alex writhing. One leg pressed forward just as it had in the phone booth scene but this time he was definitely doing it in an attempt to get closer to his lover. Both of them were making purring sounds.

Scully screeched, "Mulder! What are you doing?"

Mulder parted lips from Krycek and dazedly looked about. He spotted Scully and Skinner and offered a cheesy smile. "Um, hi, I guess you received my e-mail. I told you I was fine. I'm fine and Alex is the finest."

Scully pulled Mulder away from Krycek and yelled, "I'm going to arrest him."

Honesty had enough. She jerked Scully's hands away and said, "Oh just stop it. Join a singles club or something. Can't you see you're interfering with true love?"

Scully's chin quivered, but Skinner said, "She's right, Scully. Just look at them."

Everyone did. Naked Mulder. Naked Krycek. They looked. And looked again. They looked until the boys were bored with the admiration. Krycek spotted Honesty and asked, "Don't I know you from another story?"

Honesty said, "Well, that was an alternate universe, but I'm glad that I made an impression. Can I get you anything?"

"Clothes, I guess." Said Krycek.

Mulder agreed.

Honesty winced. Not exactly what she had in mind. She was thinking more about chocolate syrup, whipped cream and a camera.

____

Thirty minutes later, the four visitors piled into the car Skinner had rented. Honesty had helped the lovers reserve a honeymoon suite at the best hotel in the city. It might not have a purple and pink vibrating bed, but she was sure that the real Mulder and Krycek would make do.

As for Skinner and Scully, Honesty sent them on an ocean cruise to take their minds off their crushed hopes. Besides, if she felt vindictive, she might ask daddy or mommy to rock the boat. She might be human now but she still had the family connections.

Honesty grinned. Ursula would be so jealous. She never had Mulder and Krycek in her own hot little hands. And Honesty had persuaded the pair to pose for a series of delightful pictures. It had not taken much to get them to agree. After all, it was her birthday and she deserved every lovely gift that she had received.

Happy Birthday, Vera!


End file.
